sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
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