you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
