I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I checked into jail on foursquare
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
