Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
