why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
