I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
