I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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