I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
