I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
