bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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