i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
