someone threw a dead crab at me
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
