I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
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