he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
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