Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
