shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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