im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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