I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
