my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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