Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
