I'm so fucking centered right now
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
