Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
