My room smells like vodka and shame
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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