Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
