Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Randomize
