a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
