I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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