Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
