Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
