why didn't you poke me back
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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