PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
