Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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