my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
