tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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