last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Randomize