Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
