My first STD was from a foam party
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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