It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
she smelled like a LAN party
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Randomize