that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
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