Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
