just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
