I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
