I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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