Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
