Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize