Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Randomize