great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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