I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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