she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I wish you could order shots online.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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