I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Randomize