i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
