Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Randomize
