**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Randomize
