Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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