dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
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