My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Dick very happy bro
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
