did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
