I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
The adults are the big ones right?
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
