If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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