We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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