What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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