Whod you bang
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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