My brain says no but my pants say off.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
