Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
you had me at cake vodka
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
